Samstag, 15. Oktober 2011

Experience of a lifetime?

Well, yeah. 10 weeks of Finland now.

And what happened?

- Way too much for me, I guess. At least it feels like that. I will probably be thankful for all the experiences and things I had to handle later on, but now it still feels awkward, stressing and just bad. Two weeks ago I finally decided to leave my old host family, because we just couldn’t get along anymore and I felt uncountable and not accepted for what I am. It is funny that I made the decision to leave on the most finnish way. In Sauna.
And then the hard time started. I had to explain my problem way too often, I was crying way too much, like I had red rings beyond my eyes for some days and I felt so lost and homeless I never felt before in my life. Guess how awkward it was to live in a family that you will leave in some days because it didn’t work and you don’t know how they will act with you now. Try not to get a break down when they tell you on the day you where supposed to move that plans changed and you have to stay for one more week. And then try to trust people again when they call again that plans changed again and you will move in 3 hours. And then you move, and move… and move. Without knowing where you will end up. The only nice things in your life are your friends. And finally you suppose to lose them, too, because you are not sure that someone in town could take you to their place and you are scared of going to Lapland or worse and a new new-start.
As exchange student you have to have a life that you can always put in a suitcase.
Actually I didn’t expect this. Of course not. I expected a nice year with a nice family, friends and so on. Why is it just so hard? Why me? Why we? I mean, all my friends, who went on exchange have problems. Some of them are already back home. What the f**** is wrong?
But I am already very sure that this is an experience of a lifetime. That would have never happened to me, when I would have stayed home. But I wouldn’t have made so many nice experiences. I really have friends here (I am so so so so thankful that I have you, guys <3), I met so many cool and nice people, I finally live in a town, where you can get what you need, if you compare it with the village I come from and I go to a school where you can really feel good in (even if it is still school). I never thought about going home, I just had to endure some hard times and I of course did survive. I really wished sometimes that there would be a switch in my head where I could just turn feelings of. But now things are going to be good hopefully. And I hope that I could move to a new host family soon, but I can already see a light and the dark in that case. And I am good in packing now. Even if I already miss some socks :-)

So, stay tuned guys. More exact explanations later on ;)

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